I too enjoyed reading it. Thank you.
Funniest stories
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I was somewhat less than an angelic child, so this is just one of many stories I could tell 8-).
I was an extremely talkative brat, and had a smart-ass streak a mile wide. One day (I was probably about eight), when I was chattering up a storm, my mother simply couldn’t take any more, and said “Randy, be quiet; I don’t want to hear one more word out of you.” And it’s not hard to predict that I said, with perfect timing, “One more word.”
I’m pretty sure I spent the rest of the day in my room :P.
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oh cripes, i was such a creep when i was little.
once after a hurricane, I hid inside of a cabinet for like an hour, and my parents had the whole police force looking for me!
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A few months back a girl at my work was flirting with me a lot. I told my GF about it and she was a bit annoyed. At any rate, the girl ended up quitting and I told my GF about it.
“Oh I am sure you are REAAALLLY heartbroken! Connie was young, and skinny, and pretty!”
I told her “oh baby, I don’t want a young, skinny, pretty girl… I want you!”
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A few months back a girl at my work was flirting with me a lot. I told my GF about it and she was a bit annoyed. At any rate, the girl ended up quitting and I told my GF about it.
“Oh I am sure you are REAAALLLY heartbroken! Connie was young, and skinny, and pretty!”
I told her “oh baby, I don’t want a young, skinny, pretty girl… I want you!”
It WAS funny….the first time you told it… :evil: Don’t worry, I’ve been in the same situation.
Used to get spanked with wooden spoon when I did bad things. Then one day it broke over my ass, and my Mom and I couldn’t help but die laughing ( I think cause it broke the tension). Needless to say, she upgraded to a ping pong paddle.
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Guess I did repeat that one.
Here is one you guys will like. Long story though.
I was 16 or 17 and walking back from my buddy’s house, DRUNK OUT of my mind! I hardly remember getting home. It had to be like 4am. Anyway, I stumble up to the door and am trying like hell to get the key to go in the lock, but I am so drunk and stupid I can’t do it. I had the bright idea to throw some small rocks at my sister’s window, but a momment of reason hit me saying “if you can’t put a key in the door, you shouldn’t throw rocks at windows”. So I go back to the door and try some more to get in, FINALY I do it and get in the house. It is dark as hell and I got a bit scared “I am going to make a lot of noise, and than I’m caught!” And that is when I had my “great idea”. I figured I would strip down to my underwear, and than go upstairs. If my parents saw me they would think I was just sleepy, and went downstairs to get something to eat - BRILLIANT!
I woke up the next day in my bed, Phew! I came downstairs and when my mother sees me she gets ‘that look’, “What the hell did you do last night?!?!”
“Nothing mah, was just over at John’s playing a game”.
“Than why did I find you this morning 1/2 in, 1/2 out of the front door with your pants around your ankles!!!”
So, if any of you have kids, and they act like morons… remember my tale and take it easy on em :-D
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Heh, this one just happened last week.
My GF wanted to talk about “our future”.
These things usualy always go the same way “lets see how things go, we may be forever… etc etc”
This time though I wanted to spice things up a bit.
“baby, you know the story about the rabit caught in the trap, that chewed its own leg away to escape?”
“Matt! Don’t be an ass, I am being serious!”
“No no! Hear me out.” It was hard to keep a straight face, but I did for the most part.
“Now it is true that some rabbits will chew off their own leg, and that has gotten a lot of plublicity. But what you DON’T hear about is the rabbit that doesn’t! Many of those rabbits will can live on for a long time. Pain, the elements, impending doom… still they will not chew off their leg. It gives me hope for you and I”.
Heh, I apparently thought it was funnier than she did :evil:
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Lol sometimes I wonder how the girl really feels when you tell her cheesy/funny/lame/stupid things like that :lol:
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I got this one from MAXIM, and used it on my GF.
I rolled over in the middle of the night and woke her up.
“Baby, are BJ’s cheating?”
“huh, what? Yes they are!”
Nodding my head “what if it is with a stripper?”
Irritated “YES!”
Contiplating, and than asking "what if you are really really drunk?
Visibly getting mad “YES!!!”Rolling back over “ok, good to know, g’night”
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A few months back a girl at my work was flirting with me a lot. I told my GF about it and she was a bit annoyed. At any rate, the girl ended up quitting and I told my GF about it.
“Oh I am sure you are REAAALLLY heartbroken! Connie was young, and skinny, and pretty!”
I told her “oh baby, I don’t want a young, skinny, pretty girl… I want you!”
What’s funny about this is that you were trying to say the right thing… Man us guys get in trouble so easy.
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Thought of another good one I got on my GF.
Out of the blue she came up to me and said “Matt, if I ever found out you were cheating on me it would just kill me”.
Taking her by the hand, and looking deeply into her eyes I responded “Baby, I would never, never, NEVER…. let you find out”.
I may have told you guys that one, can’t remember… if I did, than am I bad.
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I seem to remember that one. :-)
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This one might be cute. When I was 5 or 6 and off with my family somewhere, I suddenly exclaimed " mom I gotta pee real bad". Mom said " I’m sorry son, your’e just gonna have to hold it a little while till we can find a toilet". I promply proceeded to whip it out and “hold it” tightly. Needless to say that got plenty of laughs & funny looks at the time. Been “holding it” ever since!!
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When I was 8, the teacher had to punish me for something I did wrong in his class.
He told me to write 8 pages of paper he gave me.
I started writing, and I got the idea of writing REALLY, REALLY big :-)
I still wrote on the printed lines, but words of 3 or 15 letters, it didn’t matter: every word fitted into one line :-)
hard to say, I finished my job in less than 15 minutes…When he saw my ‘essay’, he gave me a new assignment, so I couldn’t interpret his words any more: he said: “you’ll copy these 2 pages of this book, writing on this paper over here…”
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Zoo-baby, it sounds as though you and long term relationships are not compatible. Unless you get a girlfriend like Charlie Sheen’s bro on Two and a Half Men.
My Funny story.
More than thirty years ago(I was eighteen) I was driving my mother to an appointment as she would be unable to drive herself home. We were in an unfamiliar part of town, but it was the main street through the neighborhood. We came to a stop at a very long red light. As we stopped I looked to my left.
Parked across the street in a small lot I saw more Lincolns, Caddys, and LTDs than I had ever seen in one place. An animated crowd was in the midst of the cars. All the cars I could see had two to four inch white sidewalls. At this point I became aware that all the people in the crowd were black(I was a little slow on the uptake in those days.) As I watched a man came around and got in the car parked between the crowd and me. As he pulled away I noted the crowd was at the back of a beat up old faux woodpaneled stationwagon with its rear gate down. Standing next to the wagon is an old gentleman in dingy overalls selling watermelons.
As this was my first brush with stereotypical racism which I had read about in high school, I laughed my ass off the reat of the way to the doctor’s office.
Not racist, just fact!
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Ok, this happened to me two days ago.
I was taking Mary to work and had Nolan in the station wagon Mary owns. We’ve got 3 cars (one is another roommate’s) in a two car driveway, and I didn’t look as closely as I usually do at the car parked in the turnabout. I barely scraped rear bumpers, enough so that just a few chips came off. My first “collision.” Mary and my roommate weren’t worried about it, but I was kinda frazzled that I did such a thing. Ok, here’s where it gets good.
I just dropped off my baby’s momma at work, and had my baby’s momma’s baby in the wagon. I went to the street light to exit the shopping center I was in, cross one of the major arteries in Lexington, and enter the shopping center on the other side to spend some bday money (had to get my DVD series fix!!!). I was the lead car, and gave the light a second after it had turned green for me. So, I took off at a reasonable pace, and then with my peripheral vision I see a car come at me from the right. There wasn’t much I could do, but we both braked and I slammed into his side (he ran the red light). It turns out that he was a cop on vacation from Florida (In Kentucky? :?). So, my first two car accidents - my fault and the someone else’s fault - happened in the same day, and the 2nd one negated/made irrelevant my oopsie. :-)
The cool thing was that he owned up to the whole thing (his mother was in the car - ha!), and in less than 20 hours after the accident everything was squared away and we got a rental car.
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Well you know Southerners can’t drive, nothing that moves faster than a John Deere or a Massey Ferguson anyway :-P
That is why they are impressed with NASCAR. :mrgreen:
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@ncscswitch:
Well you know Southerners can’t drive, nothing that moves faster than a John Deere or a Massey Ferguson anyway :-P
That is why they are impressed with NASCAR. :mrgreen:
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Ever hold something on a string above a cat and swing it around? You know, where their heads just go around and around when they can’t reach it? That’s how I envision the thousands of fans at a NASCAR event!
:lol:
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