Joke

I knew this was going to be Monty Python, but figured it would be from “And Now for Something Completely Different”.

Can’t help myself …

A young girl is sitting on the edge of a cliff, crying. A man sees her, and, of course, goes to see what is wrong.
“Hey, what’s the matter?” The girl sniffs and looks up.
“My dad just drove the car over the cliff, and now he’s dead!”
“Oh!” Says the man, “that’s terrible. But what about your mother?”
“She was in the car too! I have no-one to look after me!”
The man unbuckles his belt and starts to pull down his trousers.
“Really not your lucky day, is it?”

Umm…let’s see.  Lately my friends and I have been claiming that Mike’s Hard Lemonade is what perverts and pedophiles buy to get their victims drunk.  I can’t drink the stuff…but a friend of mine was having a party, and I asked him if he was getting a keg.  He said yes, so I asked if it was going to be Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

Love the jokes! WHEN I get married I’m going to post those rules on the fridge. No, better yet, I’ll paint them on a wall.

This one may be lost on folks who are not a bit older and remember the Pizza Hut commercials…

What do you call a brunette and 3 blondes on a street corner?

Regular price, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks :-)

How do you know a blonde has been using the computer?
There is white out on the screen.

Or the ultimate blonde statement (courtesy Julie Brown)

“I’d just like to say that being chosen as this months Miss August is like a compliment I’ll remember for as long as I can.  Right now I am a freshman in my 4th year at UCLA, but my goal is to become a veterinarian because I love children.”

Witches ride brooms because Nature abhors a vacuum!

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures.
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz.
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal -
For thou art with me;
Thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks.
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the House of Mocha forever.

Our lager who art in barrels, hallowed be thy drink.
Thy beer doth come, I will be drunk, at home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head, and forgive us our spillages
as we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration, but deliver us from hangover.
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager, forever and ever.
Barmen.

–-----------------------------------
Feeling Stressed Out?
Picture yourself near a stream.

Birds are softly chirping
in the crisp cool mountain air.

Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows
this secret place.

You are in total seclusion
from that place
called “the world.”

The soothing sound of a
gentle waterfall
fills the air
with a cascade
of serenity.

The water is clear.

You can easily
make out the face
of the person
whose head you’re
holding
under the water.

Hahaha… so true. :lol:

GOD@MNIT THAT IS HOW THE JOKE GOES….THAT’S HOW I TELL IT TO PEOPLE TOO I DON’T KNOW WHY THE HELL I WROTE “BROKE” I AM JUST STUPID…SEE NOW IT SEEMS NOT FUNNY BUT IT REALLY IS… :sad: :sad: :sad: