Oh god, where to begin…
My friends and I play Global with house rules that make it more like rise of nations (if it was a board game) than Axis and allies. in short, everyone is neutral in the beginning, everyone has special abilities (in place of national objectives), and it is such a chaotic mess, that it is so damn fun we play it all day once a month.
Anyway, we’re playing a game, I’m the USSR who is allied with Japan and the UK. We are at war with the ANZAC/US pact, I’m neutral with the Franco-Prussian alliance (but are at war with the UK), and Italy is all alone. No one is playing china so Japan and I just sort of roll through it.
Italy is rolled over by the Germans. he leaves, surrendering all remaining territory to France. the Franco-Prussian alliance invades the UK, who switches his capital to Calcutta last minute (again, we play with some funky rules). I don’t help the UK because I’m busy securing peace with Germany and making sure I can focus my attention elsewhere, so japan doesn’t fight 2 countries by himself.
games is going well (except for the UK and Italy, well Italy had to go to church anyway so it worked out), My mates and I are screwing over the Americans and the…ANZAC…ies… and we’re ready to crush the US. Japan has all but conquered australia, New Zealand is a doom fortress of doom, filled with infantry and loaned IPC’s to build more. UK is holding on for dear life as africa is getting raped by the french, while germany picks off neutral countries and backs up france. They won’t screw with me and let me take a few neutral territies…to build some Soviet battleships and transports…(again funky rules). I’m ready to invade alaska when the FPA begins to invade the eastern us. They have enough to take the last capital they need to win. japan says something like “good work guys, I guess we can take victory”
I was confused but then it hit me, he was working with France the whole time. Japan backstabbed me. I was so pissed, it was like the often parodied scene from downfall minus the crying.
I then ally with my former enemies, agreeing to crush Japan and the FPA. After invading korea, I invade japan with my Alaskan invasion fleet. I bombard….no hits…I invade. I have a bunch of tanks and a few infantry left over from invading Korea. He has some artillery a tank and an infantry…not much at all. I get obliterated, I take out a few units but his artillery kicks my ass.
The UK and the USA try to take out the Japanese navy. The US completely fails, losing a bunch of expensive boats to an air craft carrier…with some cheap ass planes. The UK kinda liberates ANZAC but the Japanese still have Sydney and are still able to build. We at least had him distracted in china (which had more essential cities than ANZAC did anyway)
The Germans invade the east coast while the Americans barely hold on after a joint denfence with the UK. The French player laughs saying how utterly screwed we are…and the releases an enormous fart next to the German player. We had ordered an Italian beef and hot pepper pizza which apparently didn’t sit well with him. Germany gets pissed and breaks the alliance citing the fart and japan being a deceitful prick and goes for both the US east coast…and france. He crushes france who takes up japan after Japan leaves for wrestling practice (because France had some piddlings in Africa left after the invasion…he was done).
Germany is poised for victory. I am given control of the remaining us pieces, uk has Australia. The situation was, if we held the east, we would keep him back and could invade Germany next turn (or well I could, the UK would be taking out the French until he could reach Italy). Our joint defnce…utterly fails. He had wayyy to many IPC and could muster a giant invasion fleet. He won on his lone some, everyone else lost.
Gracious in victory, the last slice of the pizza (which was to go to the victor) was shared with me and germany (as the US and anzac had left, and the UK didn’t like it) saying I was a good opponent and he felt bad that japan backstabbed me.
Insanity as usual, it was the most fun we’ve had. I have more stories from older games, but I can’t recollect anything noteworthy.