Why it's funny being Canadian.

[cystic crypt]

Ahhh the joys of life in an esoteric country:
These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism
Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck.

Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let’s not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list
of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the
hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions on Bristish Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely
handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its
name. It’s a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very violent. They eat the
brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by
spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

[Janus]

you what i like about those canadians, they dont make generalizations about people. they are too busy playing hockey, or putting maple syrup on their bacon

[El Jefe]

Great jokes…

…truth…

…or whatever!

I enjoy butting heads with YOU PEOPLE on the forums.

Unfortunately, my only personal and financial interactions with Canadians caused me to create a new bad word … Canigger. My friends love it, but I now regret my creativity!

The Remorseful American…

:oops: … I mean USian.

[ctm]

@Janus:

you what i like about those canadians, they dont make generalizations about people. they are too busy playing hockey, or putting maple syrup on their bacon

I know I was warned awhile ago about “no killing and stuffing forum members” but please, please? I started volunteer work this week…I figure since I’m contributing to society much more then before, I should be able to kill someone every once in awhile.

(still no direct threats up there :wink: was I hinting at killing Janus though? I’ll let you be the judge -mwaa ha ha ha- )

But back to CC’s post! lmfao “milk is illegal” I like that one :lol:

“There are 2 things I can’t stand…people who are intolerant of other people’s cultures, and the DUTCH.”

[Guest]

woohoo… great jokes!

I know a nice one also: You can get tshirts in Vienna, which have a drawing of some mountains and a cangaroo on it with the words:
“There are no Cangaroos in Austria” …

so much for the hippo racing and the choir :) (and if i come to see those, will all the attending women also be naked ??? :D)

[morten200]

so much for the hippo racing and the choir (and if i come to see those, will all the attending women also be naked ??? )

I wanna know if the hippos are naked! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[El Jefe]

F_alk,
NO kangaroos in Austria? I think they’d really like it there… All that mountain hopping and kicking the guys in those cute shorts… :roll:

My favourite t-shirt is the one with “everything I learned in college…” on the front and on the back 20 different mixed drinks named and the University classes that they covered. (Hiccup!)

My second favourite t-shirt has Wylie Coyote holding Road Runner by the throat and saying, “Beep beep your *ss!” (Oh, yeah!)

[Yanny]

Eh?

[Janus]

eh what yanny? what kind of post is that

[ctm]

“Eh?” Ooohhh I certainly know why he put it! I went to an international school in Holland, and I was the only Canadian for a little while. lol and everyone makes fun of each other there, so of course I had to put up with the whole “Eh?” thing… ah yes, and how could I forget the “does Canada even HAVE toasters?” etc :wink:

But I don’t even say ‘eh’! My brother, my cousins, and my mom all do though. Damn them, justifying ur jests at Canada. And Janus man, I’m no administrator here and maybe it’s not my place to say it, but think before ya type! Unless you’re trying to act like that.

[Guest]

you can say whatever you want ctm, just like everyone else can on this forum (or should be able to at least <cough>yanny <cough><cough>) but when what you say pisses me off, im gonna let you know</cough></cough></cough>